Start weight: $%&*!!kg.
Yip. I shit you not. That’s quite a weight people. And adding the
centimetres around my chest, tummy, arm, hip, thigh, and calf you get in excess
of a gazillion of the little fuckers. So
ja, it’s time to fix the problem.
The goal? Lose 15kg
and a moerse bunch of centimetres by 20th October 2012 when I turn
40. This goal may change to, oh I don’t
know, simply surviving the next few months but I am starting off strong and
with serious gusto.
My personal trainer?
Divine. No that’s not my loving
nickname for him, that’s his real name.
Divine is going to whip my ass into shape, literally. His goal?
15kg off, halve my arse, lose my belly, halve my thighs and try not to
kill me.
Today, 30th May 2012, we started with training
Day 1. Now I am relatively fit – I go
to gym 3 to 4 days per week, run, row, cycle, weights, squat, lunge, the whole
lot. Holy crap. Apparently I am not nearly as fit as I had
hoped. One round of sit ups, bridges,
lunges, squats, steps, and arm work and I was finished. We had just started the second round when I
had to admit defeat. I was nauseous and felt as though I was going to
faint. Bloody baby! Divine, realising he had a potential dead 39½
year old white woman on his hands, decided to take mercy! We then sat and worked out my three week detox
menu – which starts on Monday. He did
mention that I might be a little short tempered for the first 21 days (what’s
new), and that my system may turn on me, but oh well – all for a good cause,
right? The cause? To remove the shit around my liver which is
stopping it from processing something or other properly – I drifted off at this
point. Bottom line though – 21 days of
one basic menu. The menu? Here it is.
As you wake up in the morning: 2 glasses of water with lemon juice. Followed by a training session. Then for breakfast:
1 cup of cooked jungle oats and water.
For a 10AM snack, 2 x Rice cakes (gag) and 2 x boiled eggs and a
delicious cup of Detox tea. For lunch I
will be having a small bowl of fruit. No
grapes or bananas. Oh, and some Detox tea.
As my 3PM snack, we have a cup of Weighless soup. Yum! And then, because the day has been filled with
so much food, for supper we will be having a piece of boiled fish and raw
veggies, or a tuna salad and a cup of detox tea. That’s it.
No change. For 21 days. 3 weeks.
Heaven help me! And my family! And my colleagues! And you!
I have decided to keep a diary through this experience. I hope that it will serve as an outlet for my
ranting and venting and drama and help me channel some of my bad temper away
from my family and friends!
I will try to be interesting, and humorous but guarantee nothing. Also I will definitely not be guaranteeing that
I will at any stage be politically correct, sweet, generous, giving or not be a
foul mouthed bitch!
And having said that, I wish you much love and light!
T
