So here's how things went. The first week post weigh in dawdled along as it always does, with one exception. Divine quietly suggested that perhaps, as we are getting closer and closer to reaching goal weight, and to give my system a bit of a kick, I should do a quick 3 day detox. Cool, said I. No problem, said I! (All the time thinking back to the 21 days of detox I did at the beginning of this adventure. No sweat, thought I. Rocked those 21 days, did I!) Pffft. On Friday, during our boxing/kicking/Tracy-murdering session, I reminded Divine that he needed to give me a list of what I had to buy for detox so that I could start on Monday. "No", said he, "a list is not really necessary". His voiced then lowered a few decibels and his eyes got all shifty. "What you will eat for 3 days" said he, "for breakfast, lunch and supper", he continued, "will be cabbage soup". I SHIT YOU NOT! I imagine that my face firstly reflected a somewhat amused expression - waiting for him to laugh and say nah, he was only joking. When this did not happen, my expression would have changed to one of disbelief, followed swiftly by one of pure horror! Turns out he was dead frikking serious! Three days of cabbage soup, three meals a day.
Once I had had time to process this idiocy I decided oh hell, why not? I am strong! I am well able to deal with three days of cabbage soup. I am, after all, more hardcore that Chuck Norris. (I write this update now, sobbing quietly to myself, a slight tremor in my hands and an unhealthy pallor to my skin).
On the Sunday pre-detox I made a huge pot of cabbage soup - it smelt quite lekker, I won't lie. I added some veggie stock, some carrots and beans, a dash or two of paprika for flavour, and separated the soup into 9 portions to cover the three days. Confident and strong and capable was I. (You can see that downhill is the only way to go from here right?)
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| The cabbage soup bubbling away |
On Tuesday I schlepped myself off to gym - not feeling all that enthusiastic (duh!!) Despite complaining bitterly to Divine about how crap this whole cabbage thing was, he dismissed my complaints with snarky comments including,"Are you serious? It's only 3 days!" and other such nonsense! I steadfastly refused to commit to carrying on for the full three days, instead covering my derriere (too obvious, I know, but I couldn't resist) by saying that I would give the soup a chance for breakfast and, should I happen to survive, I would try it for lunch too, and so on. Never mind one day at a time, I had declined to one meal at a time! I had literally, in the space of 24 hours, gone from "bring it" to "owned".
You can, I am sure, imagine the indignities I have suffered at the hands of my beloved family, not to mention my co-workers! One notable incident was when Zelda, our catering co-ordinator, made a point of letting me know she had stocked up on air freshener! I won't even mention the BBM's I have received involving words like "gas" and "farts"! Nice right?
Anyhoo, I made it through breakfast, lunch and dinner with only the occasional dry heave. I will admit, at this point, to having another seed bar, a ton of raw carrots and a few of my beloved fat-free (not sugar-free) marshmallows! By the time Wednesday came along I no longer had my happy face on! I managed to force down the cabbage concoction for breakfast and lunch, had some raisins and, by the time I got home, was so grumpy, bloated, windy and miserable I decided enough was enough. So, at 17h49 I poured myself an enormous blue glass of wine .... and smiled.
Oh my gosh Thursday's gym session was filled with such excitement! I was already pumped cos (a) cabbage was a thing of the past; (b) we were going to box, and (c) I was allowed to have my post-gym cup of black coffee again! Now before I head into the meaty bit of this particular story let me just preface it with this: Divine (and I) have worked very, very hard to get me into a mindset where I am almost comfortable enough with myself and my body to train in the main section of the gym without being too self-conscious. I no longer always wear my longest t-shirts to cover my bum and am becoming quite proud of what I have achieved and of my new, emerging shape. During our warm-up session Divine wanted me to do spider walks (you may recall in a previous post I explained how undignified this exercise is - arse waving in the air and whatnot), but because he is aware that I am not 100% comfortable with this exercise in full view, he does it with me. So there we were, back and forward, bums in the air, sweat dripping, when another trainer came past with his client and commented, loudly, "Look! The cockroaches in here are getting bigger. And they have muscles". I know right? My immediate reaction was one of disbelief. Divine stood up and told the dude that his comment was uncalled for and that he did not appreciate it. And that, or so I thought, was the end of that! Divine and I trained started doing combos but clearly his brain was processing the situation. I, too, was kind of stuck in my own head, mulling over the comment. Next thing I knew, Divine excused himself, marched over to the other guy, got in his face a little (!) and told him exactly what he thought of his comment. There was some interesting language and a lot of testosterone in the air but it was absolutely totally necessary. I was offended, Divine was offended - and it needed to be addressed. And addressed it was. So, adrenalin pumping, we then continued our session and had an incredibly exhausting, but wonderfully therapeutic, bout of me hitting the crap out of everything Divine put in my way! The funny thing about this (there is after all something funny in every situation, right?) is that after gym I phoned and told my mom about what happened (as one does) and the next thing I knew she was all pissed off and ready to head off to the gym, mama lion style, to give this guy a piece of her mind! You see now - the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?
Friday was yet another melting pot of emotions. Going through some photos of our work golf day last October my colleague Melanie came across some of me. Holy pissing ants, people. I was fat. What I find so astounding is that I didn't even realise quite how gross I was! I was going to post the pic on this update but decided that it is my official "before" pic and will be used when I have an appropriate "after" pic to compare it to. I have, however, printed it out and plucked it on my fridge! I also made a promise to myself that I would not return to that place, and have decided that, instead of packing my "fat" clothes into a suitcase and storing them, I am going to get rid of every single item. I WILL NOT NEED THEM AGAIN DAMNIT!
Over the weekend I more or less decided what I was going to be wearing at my birthday celebrations, which led to a minor panicking about the state of my arse and legs. Of course I stupidly told Divine this and let me just say that, at the end of our session this morning, my legs were a quivering jelly-like mess.
6 days to go until weigh in and, as usual, I am doubting myself and dreading the figures. Soon .... hopefully .... I will be able to ignore the scale and just be happy with what I have achieved. Soon .....
T
x
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